5 Tips to Writing An Effective Sex Scene

(Author’s note: Once a month, I offer writing tips to my Hyperromantic Authors on Patreon. I wanted to share a smidge of this month’s offering on a topic near-and-dear to my heart with all of you. For $5/month, you can sign up to read the entire article AND receive writing articles and sexy short stories from me every month!)

“Lopez …makes a profound statement about being an American amid absolutely mind-blowing sex scenes. It’s her ability to balance these lascivious passages with pointed, meaningful storytelling that sets her work apart and makes her a writer worth returning to again and again.”
--Maureen Lee Lenker, Entertainment Weekly

I like sex scenes. Before I began writing, sex scenes were my favorite part of the book. They were what I would read over and over again, as you can tell by the bends in my paperbacks. It’s easy to dismiss this as horny inclinations, but that would too easily dismiss the value and distinctiveness of the romance novel genre.

In mysteries, we love the unwinding of the whodunnit. In horror novels, we love the slow creep down the hall to the terrifying reveal. These books create a feeling that readers sign up for when they buy them.

A great romance novel captures the visceral sensation of falling in love. It is a sensation that has launched a thousand ships and sent people into murder and madness. It is not to be trivialized. Many authors, myself included, consider physical chemistry and lust part and parcel to falling in love. Great sex scenes aren’t just about inserting tab A into slot B. Great sex scenes capture all the mystery and majesty of touching the person you will spend the rest of your life with for the very first time. Done well, all the high emotion and relinquishing of self and terror and hope and stumbling and flying of falling in love can happen in a sex scene.

No pressure, right?

Because I value and respect sex scenes, I’ve worked hard to make them powerful, compelling, and emotionally resonating in my books. Although I do not write erotica, you can’t skip a sex scene of mine without missing something integral to the plot, characters, and novel. Here are some tips to how I go about writing effective sex scenes.

Make characters’ sexual selves as distinctive as the rest of them.

You know your characters’ eye colors, jobs, thoughts about themselves, thoughts about their world, religion, favorite foods, etc. Their thoughts about sex, about themselves as sexual creatures, and how they approach the act is as distinctive as the rest of them. We do such a disservice to our characters and to our readers when we make every hero a growly alpha and every heroine an inexperienced virgin who effortlessly orgasms. Think through how their lives and upbringings inform their sexual selves, and how it repels and compliments the partner you’ve created for them.

In my debut book Lush Money, my billionaire businesswoman and the prince she tries to buy are powerful, epically attractive, sexually experienced, and overwhelmingly confident. When they first have sex, it’s like a clash of the titans, with both of them warring for the upper hand. However, they’re both good people with deep wounds who crave to be loved, and this vulnerability and tenderness toward each other comes into play in the bedroom way before they’re willing to let it show in real life.

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5 Simple Writing Resolutions for 2023

(Author’s note: Below is an excerpt of the blog I provided to my $5/month Patreon subscribers. Each month, I provide a column or video on writing and a steamy short story to those who subscribe at the five-dollar level. Those who subscribe at the $3/month level get access to a new steamy short story every month, as well as all the stories I’ve provided in previous months.)

Turning over a new leaf for me has rarely happened on January 1.

My birthday coincides with the beginning of the school year, so for the first couple of decades of my life, the “new me” happened in September. Then, as a published author, the start of the 100,000-word odyssey of a new book was when I literally and figuratively began with a clean page.

This year, it just so happens that the beginning of the new year is paired with the beginning of a new book, the third book in the Milagro Street series. Since this is my sixth published book, I would love to tell you that I’ve perfected my system for book creation. I haven’t. You, dear hyperromantic author, can take both comfort and horror from that. Comfort because I’ve come to understand that my process is constantly changing and there is no one “right” way. Horror because the shifting sands beneath my feet – and yours -- may end up feeling like they’re always shifting.

That’s okay. We’ll breathe through it.

For 2023, I’m making five simple writing resolutions that might also help you daily get the words on the page.

#1 -  I resolve to tell the truth

I’m stealing this one from the amazing Grant Faulkner, the head of the organization that runs NaNoWriMo and an astonishing writer in his own right. In his January 1 newsletter on Substack, he talks about how much bravery it takes to write your “truth.” He quotes Anne Lamont: “Good writing is about telling the truth. We are a species that wants and needs to know who we are.”

My “truth” is that I believe women are fiercely powerful. Because we live in a society where women’s power has been historically undermined, I want to write heroines who are fierce the instant they show up on the page. I want to write women who make mistakes. I want to show women making their heroine’s journey to a place of integrity, peace, and joy. But many modern-day romance readers don’t want to see that journey – they want a woman to show up on the page in a way that they’re used, a way that makes them comfortable in its familiarity. They want to “like” her from go, without analyzing the unintentional bias they’ve absorbed to prevent them from liking her. But fierce female heroines are my truth, and I will continue to write them, even if that means taking some knocks from readers and reviewers.

What is your truth? What is the perhaps uncomfortable thing you want to say about women, men, people, relationships, loves, life, the world? I encourage you to say it. Your truth is unique, made of every day you’ve lived and every thought you’ve had, and will help lift your authorial voice above the din.

#2 - I resolve to reserve my most creative time for writing

I’ve talked about this one before. I will talk about it again. Mostly because, while it is the easiest and best tool for me to get to the end of a 100,000-word book, I still can ignore this tenet: I will guard my most creative time and do nothing but write during it.

My most creative time is from the instant I wake up until about 1 p.m. If I sit down to write as soon as I’ve exercised and washed my face, then the words are relatively easy to find, the big ideas of a book come to me, dialogue flows, and the puzzle pieces of a book fit together. At about 1 p.m., those connections start becoming fuzzy. My brain just doesn’t work as well. I can get a second writing wind at about 4 p.m., but at that point, afternoon meetings and family life begin to intrude.

For years now, I’ve known that morning writing works best for me, and yet I’m still so often tempted to work on social media in the morning. To schedule meetings during that time. To write a little article for Patreon. Even with proven success, I still screw with this.

Discover your most creative writing time – it could be first thing in the morning or in the middle of the night – and as often as you can, keep this time sacrosanct for your writing. Getting successful words on the page will plant the seeds for more successful words on the page.

To keep reading and discover my other three resolutions to help you get words on the page, subscribe to my Patreon at the hyperromantic Author level.

6 tips for writing your first draft

There is nothing more daunting than a blank page.

Although the book I’ve just turned in to my editor — Full Moon Over Freedom, Book 2 in the Milagro Street series — is the fifth book I’ve written for publication, the blank page I’m staring at as I begin to cogitate Book 3 is no less daunting.

Maybe, on November 1, you’ll also be staring at a blank page as you embark on NaNoWriMo? For the uninitiated, National Novel Writing Month is when writers strive to write 50,000 words in November. It’s an ode to the fast draft. I was honored to be invited this summer to be a counselor at Camp NaNoWriMo, which is a calmer effort in April and July to meet a word-count goal that you set.

Here are six tips that I provided my campers about writing that intimidating first draft.

Keep your most creative time sacrosanct for writing

When do your words flow best? First thing in the morning, middle of the night, after a nap? Discover your most creatively productive time then — as much as real life allows — protect that time for your writing. Lock your office door, disconnect your computer from the internet, and ignore your emails. The success you gain from writing during your most productive time will help you maintain momentum. This was an “of course, duh” piece of writing advice I got from the phenomenal writing coach, Dan Blank.

Say “yes, and…” not “no” while writing your first draft

You have plenty of time to edit, revise, and align something for the market. You first draft is your opportunity to let your voice and creativity flourish. Say “yes, and…” to your wild ideas and bonkers inclinations. Follow where they lead; don’t shut them down. The uniqueness of your voice is what will lead to your publishing success, and you unlock that voice by letting it sing.

Write your first draft like a horse wearing blinders

Whether you plot or write by the seat of your pants, write your first draft looking forward not back. Gnarly things happen to a writer — like never finishing a book — when they’re constantly trying to tinker. Trust that will get to know your characters, theme, and plot by writing it, and that you can sharpen and alter in the subsequent drafts. Embrace the fact that your first draft will be meandering, but you will learn so much by taking the journey.

Stuck? Step away from your computer

Taking a walk is writing. Heading down to the coffee pot is writing. Showering is writing. Emptying the dishwasher is writing. Your brain will continue to work on your story even when you’re not at the keyboard. So if you’ve been working on the same sentence and it’s not going anywhere, step away for five-ten-fifteen minutes (set a timer so the break doesn’t become the end of your writing time), let your brain relax, then go back to the writing. You’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll solve what was ailing you.

Trust your process

I just finished my fifth book for publication and I still had to tell myself this. I know what works for me — a couple of weeks research before I start, a bare outline, pantsing a book, knowing the book will strengthen in tone, theme, and character development in revisions. But I still have moments when I’m certain my career is over. Figure out the writing process that works for you, don’t worry about what others tell you is the “right” way to do it, and trust that your process will deliver you a book that you’re in love with.

Lean into your word-count goals and deadlines

What’s nice about NaNoWriMo and Camp NaNoWriMo is that they are goal-oriented months that end. So for those month — November, April, or July — let your goal dictate how you spend your free time. Let it be the excuse you use for your RSVPs. Let it be a word count you put in your daily calendar. Instead of being the inspiration killers so many people think they are, goals and deadlines can actually be helpful guardrails that aim you where you want to go. In his book, Pep Talks for Writers, Grant Faulkner calls them “the most important concepts in living the artistic life.”

Limit your time on social media.

As a professional author, I have found nothing more motivation-stealing than social media. If you are a developing writer, I urge you to limit the amount of time you spend in the social media book world. Like literally, set a 15-minute timer. Find out what’s happening in your genre and market, then get out. Listen to your gut about what you’re going to believe in terms of advice and trends. And don’t let it sap your writing joy.

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Want to get a sneak peek at
Full Moon Over Freedom?

*Cover placeholder. Cover reveal coming soon!

When the newly divorced Juliana “Gillian” Armstead-Bancroft has to return to her small Kansas hometown for the summer, she runs into the childhood friend and bad boy she hoped to never see again. Discover what happens when the once-perfect East Coast wife and mom gets her groove back with the small-town-boy-turned-artist who taught her how!

Get a taste of Full Moon Over Freedom, follow-up to the critically acclaimed After Hours on Milagro Street, in the September newsletter. Sign up now!

How to avoid the sophomore slump

Ah, the journey of the sophomore book. The road to that second-book-for-publication can vary widely. Maybe the first book published was your first book written. Or maybe it’s the 100th. Perhaps you published traditionally. Or published indie. But in the trenches of the sophomore book, many things are similar for writers. And yet we think we’re the only ones who’ve battled there.

“As authors enter into deadline pressure, the most common struggle is learning how to juggle everything else,” said editor extraordinaire Angela James. “The second is learning how to just deal with the deadline pressure and realizing that you’re not writing just for ‘fun’ any more, but writing under an obligation to someone else. That can sometimes paralyze authors!”

And I can tell you from personal experience, that paralysis is not fun!

My latest released book, Hate Crush, was my sophomore effort. The curse and blessing of the first book, Lush Money, was that when I delivered it, my editor complimented it for its clean copy and said it needed few edits.

The perfectionist, Virgo, ex-journalist in me preened. There is NOTHING I like better than giving clean copy. So I thought I could write Hate Crush just like I wrote Lush Money: pantsing it, amping up the bonkers, and writing with the same bravery and exhilaration that I wrote when I didn't have a contract or a deadline.

Yeah… No.

During the months of writing, the words HOT MESS began to scroll across my brain like a Times Square ticker. I tried to rein the book in. I suggested to my agent and editor that I felt the book was “experimental” and “taking a new direction.” They were gently and kindly silent. They both knew that this is just what happened with sophomore books.

Ask multi-published romantic suspense author Adriana Anders: “I wrote Book Two before Book One was published, so I actually felt pretty good about it, overall... until Book One came out. My first release had some good responses from the trade mags, which was great. It also made me miserable, convinced that I was a one-hit wonder. Writing after that first release was very, very difficult.”

When my editor got back to me with revision notes for Hate Crush, she never said the words, “Hot mess.” But what she did say was, “Fix it. I believe in you.”

For thirty days leading up to Christmas of 2019, I re-wrote Hate Crush with 50,000 new words. I dropped plot lines and characters. I made my protagonists softer. I clarified my villains.

I saved the damn book. I hoped.

And although the first review for the book was a scathing 1-star that the reviewer made sure to post EVERYWHERE, the other reviews let me know that my career wasn’t over: Readers said they might love Hate Crush even more than Lush Money. Author friends said it didn’t read like a sophomore effort. And then came these reviews from Booklist, Entertainment Weekly, and NPR.

I’d done it. I’d pulled that book back from the brink.

My hope is that these encouraging how-tos from me and other romance folks help you avoid the sophomore slump before a 30-day re-write and help you embrace the fact that, if you’re having a tough time, it’s part of the process and you’re not alone.

1. Take your time (and try to make the time)

“One of the things I used to counsel authors on when we were doing their first contract was to think about how they were setting new manuscript delivery dates,” Angela James said. “Most new authors don’t have any experience with what it’s like to write a book while also editing, marketing, promoting, reviewing cover copy, chiming in on cover art and doing everything else that comes along with publishing the first book. So I would always tell authors to take a step back before they confirmed manuscript delivery dates and to think about how much extra time they’ll need to write a new book, now that they’ll have the distractions of everything else publishing added in while writing.”

Many romance authors wish they could deliver books like a Pez dispenser. But we need time to write books that readers will fall in love with and that will help build our brand. So try to be realistic about the amount of time you’ll need to write the sophomore book so that it’s a reflection of the quality that readers fell in love with in your first book.

One way to manage your time wisely: Time blocking. Block out the time each day you will devote to your book, and deny the distractions (social media, the news, the dog) that will corrupt that time. Just devoting one hour is still one hour closer to being done!

2. Allow your process to change

I entirely pantsed my first book, Lush Money, and figured I would write Hate Crush the exact same way. But as I tried to stick to the freedom and exhilaration of pantsing, I knew I was getting lost in the weeds. Hate Crush was a different kind of book, a second-chance romance with a bit of a whodunit element, and it needed a plan.

Unfortunately for my editor, I didn’t figure that out until after I’d gotten the book back from revisions. When I broke down the plot threads, streamlined and clarified them, the book was so much stronger. I wished I’d embraced the fact that my process could change earlier in the writing. But as internationally bestselling historical romance author Diana Cosby said, “Ignore your doubts and keep writing, get the story out. You can edit later.”

Thank God for the opportunity to edit!

“You can’t get to a place of confidence by thinking about it or planning it. You gain the most confidence by doing it. Action helps stop fear and doubt.”

— Editor Angela James

3. Believe in yourself

Imposter syndrome and the fear that we’re a one-hit wonder plagues many writers. That fear intensifies as more people – readers, agents, editors, book bloggers – look over our shoulders.

“You have to do a series of ignoring them for a time and purging negativity. Take what they say, use if it you agree but let go of the rest,” said best-selling romantic suspense author Tracee Lydia Garner. “We allow things into our psyche like residue and think about them at length. Residue is something that is often stubborn and needs scrubbing. Folks, impressions, thoughts, really do take up too much residence and yet we let them drive the moving truck to our brain… We don't often take the time to evict, we just let folks hang out eating our popcorn, wine and cheese.”

When I got my revisions back from my editor and knew I had to re-invent that book in 30 days, the one thing I wouldn’t allow myself to do was cry. If I started, I was afraid I wouldn’t stop. What I did was tell myself over and over again: You’re a professional. You can do this.

You’re a professional. You can do this.

Whether the first book you published was the first one you’d ever written or whether you had eight books (cough, cough) under your bed, you did something the majority of people don’t: You finished a book. You figured out plot, characters, love scenes, a dramatic high, the black moment low, and the HEA. You sat your ass in the chair and did the hard work.

I promise, you can do it again.

4. Rely on your resources

When a book starts going off the rails, the last thing you want to do is show it to other people. But those other people – beta readers, your agent, and most importantly, your editor – are exactly who you need to lean on for help.

Award-winning romance author Alexis Daria said: “I wish I’d asked for more support from my editor when I was stuck or didn’t know something.”

My editor told me repeatedly that sophomore books were tough, and although I was too much of a chicken to show her the tough stuff, knowing that I wasn’t the first author in her talented cadre that experienced difficulty was helpful.

I did show the book to beta readers. Romance author Cate Tayler and romance lover and life coach Wendy Reed were instrumental in helping me figure out what wasn’t working. When working with beta readers, be very clear about what you want their insight on. I asked specific questions about areas that I felt were weak, and they gave focused answers. If you’re already feeling shaky about a book, getting advice you don’t need can push you further from clarity.

5. Know you’re not alone

“I think many authors hit a moment when they start to believe they only had one story in them, that they can’t possibly write a second book, and that the second book is going to be awful when they do finish it,” said Angela James. “That’s just not true, it’s just a function of nerves, imposter syndrome, putting too much weight on reviews, comparing yourself to your fellow authors, and basically forgetting to focus on all the great things about you-as-a-writer instead of focusing on fears, expectations and doubts.”

I’ve always felt like a distinctive person, a unique individual. I’m sure you do, too. But I’ve been ASTONISHED during this journey how often my writer insecurities are echoed by other authors. Multi-published authors. New York Times bestselling authors. BIG authors. I was once at an event when Eloisa James talked about feeling imposter syndrome.

So this feeling that your first book was a fluke – it’s not just you. It’s part of the process. But how do you get past it?

“Keep writing. Keep writing. Keep writing,” said Angela James. “You can’t get to a place of confidence by thinking about it or planning it. You gain the most confidence by doing it. Action helps stop fear and doubt. And even when the fear and doubt are still there, if you keep writing, at least you’re moving forward and not staying stuck!”

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